You and what army?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


I found my razor but i was afraid to use it. Not that it helps my looks I had this friend in highschool with a moustache who would bootleg us beers even though he was like 13. So today even with my big ass prospecting pete beard I still got asked for I.D. at the store when i tried to buy smokes. Im almost 30 for christs sake besides which nobody standing behind the counter of a store could stop me (addict) from my smokes (drug). As if I would politely nod my head in mindless obediance and just walk away, of course thats what i usually do when i forget my wallet at home; but just once I would like to jump the counter grab my favorite package of smokes, slap the money on the counter and leave having committed no crime. However logic always interfeers with my macho vigilante fantasies. I just know that if i were to step behind the counter at the local conveniance store the clerk being paid 8$ per hour wether he be a sixteen year old kid or more usually a fat middle aged woman would feel compelled to interveen on the corporations behalf and really earn their minimum wage. They might start trying to push me or something and my perfect crime would become some violent altercation. An altercation in which i would certainly be villified. So it is with gnashing teeth i usually give up my privacy and produce identification. I wish the Govt. would just get off its ass and implant a radio frequency tag in my flesh, preferably buried just under the skin at the base of my skull, maybe then my privacy would be restored under anonominity or at the very least a less degrading form of proving im worthy of taking those cigaretts.

8 comments:

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Liz said...

well, you commented on my blog so i thought i'd return the favour. does darkness surround you or is that merely where you hide? what do you long for? would you be releaved to forget your cravings and not remember that kind of stress? do you want something more than what you've experienced? because i know the sure to your sickness.

thedeviluno said...

because i know the sure to your sickness.

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If you mean "cure" to my sickness Id like to hear what the diagnosis is first before you start jabbing my ass with medicine, I wasnt aware there was anything wrong with me.

Liz said...

sorry, that should be cure. here i was thinking i sounded all smart and i forgot to proofread. silly me :P

Liz said...

the diagnosis would be sinner. just like everyone else. and the cure would be Jesus. may sound corny to you, but i've lived a lot that i haven't posted on my blog and i'm sure many people wouldn't even believe what i've gone through.

thedeviluno said...

Ok thats just funny.

jevanking™ said...

What is it with you Canadians and wanting the government to fix everything? HA! Great story!

Thank you for visiting my blog.

b1alpha said...

I say we go in there and fucking do it! Wear masks and fucking just one of us sprays the clerk with a super soaker full of salty water and the other takes the cigs. Boom how do ya like that! fucking peasants