The Blight Nov-April

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Well I dont know what day meteorologists or astronomers declare winter but December 1st is as good as any. Unfortunately we dont exactly have winter here in my arctic lair. There is no snow and its bitterly cold but without the snow I am hesitant to call this winter. Winter isnt just a season, it is a time of gleeful sleigh rides and sledding. Hot chocolate drank after a hard day of snow sports. Children pelt each other with snowballs and artists create sculptures of ice. Without the snow I have decided to rename this season "Blight" which is defined as:

'Something that impairs growth, withers hopes and ambitions, or impedes progress and prosperity.'

That sounds exactly right. Its friggin cold as a witches tit and there is no hope of having fun outside and everything else gone wrong can be blamed on this cursed season. I have included a picture of what it looks like outside for those of you living in lush climates complaining of winter.

That large torch is the Sun, it doesnt produce much in the way of heat, mostly just a depressing glare from above. Withering all joy from the body and measuring the dark days in a death march across the sky. My advice is to hibernate it seems to be the only thing that helps. Eat as much food as possible, create a thick juicy layer of lard for insulation and just drop your vitals down a few notches, slow the heart-beat and lapse into a suspended state and wait out the Blight. GoodLuck


Kafka said...

LOL, brilliant. I totally know what you're talking about.

One thing I've found to do in the winter months is to go running in the cold. You warm up so fast and you realise its not as cold as you think it is. Plus it gets you lookin' good for the ladiez.

thedeviluno said...

Now all we gotta do is find someone to make this an official season. Maybe farmers almenac or something like that.

Anonymous said...

kafka is really feeling the harsh effects of downtown vancouver.
Where snow does fall from the sky... and then promptly melts before hitting the ground. Just like you "running."

Kafka said...

Thanks "Anonymous". But maybe if you "read" the words, you'd see it clearly.

"There is no snow and its bitterly cold but without the snow I am hesitant to call this winter."

So, no. Its not winter. But I'd challenge you to call it warm outside.

And since you obviously know me, you'd know that I love running in the cold, and do it often as I can.

Anonymous said...

THAT is brilliant!
Submit it to the Weather's definitely accurate.

I'm considering lowering my standards to that of the Californian state and buying a snow making machine....jk...but I am building an ice rink in the yard tonight. it's certainly cold enough.