Guide to Stereo Installation

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Guide to installing a car stereo:
First of all its important to select the coldest day of the year to perform this task, I chose today. Second off, you need the proper gear, thermal underwear and electrical gloves. Locate the screws and bolts that secure the plastic dash cover. Remove all screws dismantle dashboard, fuse box and glove box. Remove plastic dashboard and notice the center console is simply clipped into place with pressure pins and did not require removing entire dashboard unit. Spend several minutes wishing you had paid more attention to your friends when they installed your tape deck back in the eighties. Replace dashboard and make more coffee go inside to warm up. Grab new Mp3 stereo and place on dashboard remove old tape deck from chassis.

As pictured above.
Having never actually installed a car stereo before I had to draw upon my vast knowledge of electrical wiring, most of which I have learned by watching Lethal Weapons 1-4.
Prepare to sever the wires connecting the old deck to the onboard power systems. Always cut the RED wire first or the clock timing mechanism will be triggered, counting down extremely fast leaving very little time to defuse the remaining wires. So remember cut the red wire first, not the green wire which looks like the blue wire cut the RedWiretheRedWire damnit!
Once you have cut all the wires remember to test the nerves in your fingers for feeling, I suggest a low amperage shock while cutting the Red Wire. Go back inside and monitor the hypothermia. Drink more coffee and have a hot shower. When body temperature returns to normal strip the wires of the plastic casing and splice with new MP3 player wires taking the time to make sure and penetrate the soft flesh of your fingers with the sharp copper threads. The pain helps to gauge body temperature. The last steps are the easiest. Simply mount the Mp3 player to the chassis within 20 degrees from horizontal. Secure the chassis to the dashboard with screws and apply a light force to "snap" the pressure pins of the dashboard console back into place. Remember not to take the dashboard apart. Ignore the tempation and simply admire the new unit. Slap in a Mp3 of Pm Dawn and rock out like the tape deck never could.
As an added challenge attempt installation at night, with no flashlight, by touch and smell.

10 comments:

DiaGnostic said...

This is seriously funny. Very good. Done some of the stuff like this myself, like taking apart stuff not needed to be taken apart.

--=RoAcH=-- said...

You goose, your crazy man

Zanitram said...

I'm concerned that your deck is tuned to 99.2 by default.. coincidence? I think not. Thats the national liberal brainwash station.. hmmm

Carrie said...

holy shit the things you can learn from blogs these days....

The Lazy Iguana said...

You are braver than me. I paid someone to install an amplifier and satellite radio unit in my truck. They also replaced the factory speakers with cool poly cone speakers. And added a crossover. And some other stuff.

I retained the factory radio, so nobody would try to steal it.

I did do some work to my boat radio. It was easy. There was no dashboard.

thedeviluno said...

Its a lot easier than you would think. I did do this at night with no lights it was my first time and it was over way too fast.

Anonymous said...

i hear thats a common complaint about those types of latenight advetures in those situations, firstime in the dark and it just ends too fast

thedeviluno said...

Yeah but I didnt have to mount a crossbow or anything.

Anonymous said...

mounting a crossbow, or any other serious weapons (read GATLIN GUN) should be done in the comfort of a garage with everyone present having a tinfoil hat securely in place to avoid the goverments constant efforts at mindprobing... with that thought in mind, heres where to get the gat...
Barhorst Mfg., Inc.
4101 Rangeline Rd.
Russia, Ohio 45363
Ph 937-295-3250
Fax937-295-5299

the gatlin gun effort should be well documented devil, i could see this trend taking off and the teaming masses all wanting a gat off the front fender. with the right marketing you could even sell an instructional video... alogn the lines of 'learn your pc'....

thedeviluno said...

haha If I had a gatlin id be tempted to use it. Id be satisfied with some fucking fog lights and swamp lift kit/ snorkel. Im hitting the car auction this weekend, I'll let you know how it goes.