More merciless than Ming

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


Winter is long and I tend to accumulate a buttload of shit. Spring Cleaning in the House! If I cant eat it smoke it or fuck it Im throwing it out. This involves some re-arranging and I have aligned the lay lines of chi power to grant me free movement of my house. I also find it pleasing to the eye. But I havent even sullied my hands yet. I leave the best for last and when I say best I mean worst and when I say worst I mean toilet bowls. Cleaning products need better names than Toilet DUCK when I get on my hands and knees to honor that watery tomb of Gold-fish I want something that inbues me with a sense of true power. Not gay ass Mr. Clean or Pine Sol. I want something called Mings Death Ray or URANIUS or Plutonius or something like Liquid ZEUS. I really should be in marketing. Not recommended but personally I preffer to just dump all my cleaning solvents in one bucket and clean my bathroom with a deadly chemicle/ biological cocktail of lethal gas power. I called it the Green Fog of Death. It gets the that ring around the tub spanks it sideways and yes that burn means its working. Sizzling the flesh from your bones and kicking the shit out of the primordial soup I call a John. By the time Im done with my bathroom the bacteria will have devolved into a sterile surface burned clean by my mad science skills. It will ressemble earth before the Genisis. I am the OMEGA.

2 comments:

b1alpha said...

yea thats not a good idea, i wouldnt recommend doing that much! Maybe you should make some of your own lables an stick them on some pine sol then sell them at the sunday market?

The Lazy Iguana said...

Try mixing ammonia with bleach. Or better yet draino with bleach! Ahhhh....death fumes!

By the way, if I could pick hurricane names Ming The Merciless would be a top choice.