The Witches Hammer

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

It all began with my doorbell. I was awoken late in the afternoon from a well earned slumber by my Father. He had just escaped a brush with the Law and needed a place to stash the evidence. He quickly paid the tow truck driver for the service and a little extra to keep quiet. The driver unloaded the crate, through which between the slates I could see white hot light as from polished crome which burned my eyes if I stared too long. It seems my Father had been dabbling with his 'experiments' again. It turns out he had to bribe the tow truck driver to help him escape from an angry mob of torch weilding villagers. He had enraged them with the thunderous genesis of man and machine, so called ergonomics. The crate contained a bike. For pragmatic purposes this beast had been entombed inside a wood shed for the last twenty years. My Father, as you might imagine, is a clever sort of man. He exhumed the corpse and through a strange combination of science and mystisism was able to restore it to life.
The great poet Ralp Waldo Emerson once said “For anything you gain, you lose something”. With this gift comes a moral debt. Always do good and To never use it for Evil ( Pirating, Highway Robbery, Drug Smuggling, Pimping, general hooliganism) Also it must be maintained. It could use a little spit and shine. A little ZEN. Also a registration, insurance and a licensed pilot. That right there is gonna take me forever. Sure it would be easy to ride down R.V.s on the Alaska Highway and demand their Money or Life! Sure it would be easy to kidnap Americans and stuff their R.V.s full of drug Junk and smuggle them to Mexico and maybe turn out said hostages for a tidy profit but would it be right? I'm not so sure. All I know is I have a new monster and if you should happen to see me bearing down on you, mounted from up on high a demonic steed, dont be alarmed. The odds are good that I havent got the necessary insurance coverage to slay you where you stand. Just wave at the little green N [oob] Sticker and thank God you were spared no matter the reason.


Anonymous said...

you should be spared the n00b sign
i mean.... you've been driving for years as a licencsed driver eh? i dont think the bastards can demote you like that, even if it is a new platform. you'll most likely just have to wear the big red Loser sign for a while until you finish the campaigns. goodluck & i hope yr forkin money over to the man for the right to ride 'free' soon

The Lazy Iguana said...

Nice bike! Enjoy the beast while you can, for you know what happens in the winter.

thedeviluno said...

Winter starts in Sept around here.