The Five Elements

Saturday, March 15, 2008

My knowledge of technology and physics does not extend much further than the four elements. I am sure that goes for most everyone. Take television for example, I know that there are colored lights and magnets and magic smoke and mirrors. You see when I try to grasp at any conceptual device beyond my sphere of understanding everything begins to look like voodoo magic. The most basic of scientific instruments are modest miracles. At the slightest malfunction of electrical components I am reduced to a sophisticated Cro-Magnon. Sniffing and smelling a light bulb and scratching my head until when every last intellectual resource is exhausted I turn to the final solution to all of mans problems. Hit it with a rock. It never ceases to amaze me how often a violent outburst will temporarily correct a mechanical problem. Where am I coming from? The light on my 50gallon fishtank began to behave erraticly flickering and shutting down. When I removed the fluorecent ballast from the tank I observed an interesting unit I had never seen before. A small cylinder which resembled a battery.

I have never been trained in electrical engineering nor even the most basic and fundamental schooling in circuits and switches. I looked at an advanced component and decided the best course of action would be to hit it, hard. This solution was effective in repairing whatever stygian affliction affecting my lighting. However there always comes the thousandths hit when instead of resurection one witnesses the absolute death of an appliance. Maybe you hit it too hard or maybe that tin and lead alloy bonded to the wires just finally snapped or maybe the machine spirit shuffled off its coil. Then you gotta buy a new one, because no amount of beating will bring back a burnt out and likely smashed light bulb. Which I dont really understand. Something about fire in a bottle....I just don't really get it. Dragon fire or demons maybe.


Anonymous said...

Mmmm yes, i find that the age old, tired and true technique " it smashes thing till thing does what it wants " is a most effective practice indeed. 9 out of 10 times it will most certainly return the faulering item to its functional state, although as mentioned ... the risk is constatly present of said item being put out of commision forever.
i would like to also apply this practise to poeple, i think that it should also be acceptable for people to have their craniums vigorously knocked when they falter. Such as this morning, on my oh so very delightful am stint on the public transit system, you see i refuse to sit on the inside seat, becuse i dont like random foul meat things close to me for one ... and there is a completely unacceptable collection of food stuffs and various other objects stuck between the inside seat and the wall. Therefore i sit on the outside seat ... i will let someone into that seat but refuse to sit there myself. So this morning a rather sour looking unit proceded to present herself directly at me side motioning that i move over, and blocking my exit to allow her in. So i push her out of my way and she takes the inside seat ... at this time to to the default in this units understanding of the natural pecking order, i really feel that a firm bouncing of the noggin off the hand rail on the bus would have most certainly fixed the faulty nature of the meat thing ...
from the wastelands

The Devil Uno said...

Its true that routine beatings would correct 98% of all social problems.