Going Crazy ,the slow, stylish way.

My computer room has become a nest. A reeking den of Man. The heady purfume of green monster and body odour combining to create a thick wall of particulate, like an eerie green fog warning off tresspassers. Beware, behind these doors is a guy that hasnt seen natural sunlight in a Moon and between my thick wild beard and long sharp claws I must make a fercious sight; some kind of Man/Monkey/Vampire. Not that well groomed dandy Dracula either...more like the Nosferatu, that horrible degenerate night walker.
The bleak glow cast by my LCD screen hurts my eyes, but is not without its dark gifts. I have burned a glowing reticulated "Bulls-Eye" into my retinas, creating a scope of accuracy and precision not naturally endowed to mortal men. While I cannot help but feel my talents are wasted, surely the world has need of hunters such as myself. Men with enhanced abilities, super natural reflexes, mental clarity and single minded purpose, night vision and gifted linguists. Maybe I should join the army......wait, what?