Neanderthal discovered by amateur anthropologist

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

So I made the mistake of talking to one of the fat bastards I work with. I told him about how I got food poisoning last week, I backed up my symptoms with hard science and the time elapsed progression of biotoxins through my digestive system. He responded by telling me how mistaken I was and that I couldnt possibly understand what had happened (must have been magik) and that it certainly wasnt food poisoning as the only two types of bacteria are bocholism and samonella and those are both fatal. I stopped listening and pondered the vast gulf between my world and his. One wonders how his ancestors even earned a vertabrae let alone had the sheer gumption to survive long enough to contribute their flawed DNA through the ages.Thats when I solved that ancient mystery of the Missing Link.

That the seperate and distinct species of ape known as the Neanderthals never did go extinct but simply managed to disguise itself among its vastly superior cousin the homo-sapien. They just gave up on creating a seperate culture as the Homo-Sapiens were highly developed in all arenas of science and technology. While the Neanderthals struggled to hunt and forage the Homo-Sapien empire had begun to flourish all across europe and Asia with the sophistication of aggriculture the neaderthals could easily live on the surplus bounty provided by humans .
By blending into our fringe society using beards and foam and mesh hats they were able to disguise the prominent frontal lobes and ugly features. When we speak to these clever monkeys we take pity for what we must all consider a victim of brain injury, thus assuring their masquerade and so it was with this discovery that all resentment towards this argumentative sonofabitch vanished and I chuckled to know just how clever he was.

I was far more entertained by my musing than the incognito simians fat voice droning on in a torrent of underdeveloped psycho babble. Engaging in discourse with neanderthals amounts to little more than masochism. Even if you did argue with them they would simply beat you down with a steady diatribe of rhetoric and critisicm. Telling him he is an idiot is like telling mushrooms that shit is dirty.

6 comments:

b1alpha said...

Welcome to my life!!!

b1alpha said...

But how does it not effect you?

thedeviluno said...

The conquest of Karma lies in dispassionate reaction.

Anonymous said...

If we dont define are selves as different we are just the same...

The Lazy Iguana said...

Humm. Neat theory. I can not say I have any evidence to suggest it is wrong. Have you written to Nature yet? You might get published!

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