Hydra Psychosis ( no editing )

So I sold my PSP to my cousin J, who frequently posts inarticulate remarks on my blog. He is totaly pumped to have it and Im relieved. I just didnt have the time to spend fiddling with it. It seems I now must justify my laziness. If I want to feel good about sitting around doing nothing I would have to either previously excersice or at least clean the house a bit.


My brain is not a singular concioussness. My mind is like the mythological Hydra, the ten headed serpent. Wether this time share arrangement is a result of trauma or insanity I know or care not. All I know is that my inner monologue is more of an inner dialoge. With arguments presented in point and counter point my decisions are made by comittee. Playing with a toy has been unanimously ruled unproductive by the governing council of my mind. I dont mean to suggest that I have split personalities as these fractal moderators are more of a decalogue of emotion incarnate. A prism of motivations and goals, each competing to fulfill its own tasks and none developed to a degree where they might ressemble Abraham Lincon or any shared trait with Dr. Jeckle. Im quite sure these emotional conflicts are across the board and shared by every monkey with the capacity to reflect upon their accomplishment,


Lately I have been feeling my mortality and that time is finite and it stands to reason to make the most it. Personal acheivement and growth becomes a standard one must live by. There may be no accounting for my behavior but what tenents I hold myself to must be maintained and carefully managed. There is no authority that will punish me for my tresspases beyond the ghost of my mothers voice which echoes in the hollow catacombs that form the foundation of my moral compass. Her words of reason buried beneath the superstructure of experince, barely able to support the weight of what I have witnessed. That right and wrong exist is hard to quantify and that I should spend my time as if it were the most precious commodity is as much a product of fear as it is reason. I can list my accomplishments and stare at the receipts and never be satisfied with the result. The pursuit of happiness has no finish line.