Jehova has Minions

Sunday, October 08, 2006

I got woke up by churchies this morning. My whiskers thick and unshaven my hair greasy and unmanagable, body naked I wrapped myself in a blanket and answered the door. Two women, one fortyish the other fiftyish. They clucthed the watchtower and a thick leather bound bible. My brain was still slow from the sleep but I did get a grunt out of my mouth. They took that as assent to a convo. They apologized for rousing me from bed and suggested I take a moment to listen to them pitch their God. Well I admired their gumption, these old ladies had stones to invite themselves into a strange naked mans house. I was almost tempted to humour them. It was a trap, let two inside and suddenly you have an infestation of Jehovas. They can smell the ripe unconquered will, they will send two more crusaders and invite four inside and the next thing you know you are hosting bible study shunning festivals for its sin and strapping on a suit and tie to go convert the heathens. "No thank you" I said to the ladies, warily eyeing their watch tower flyers in case they were about to pull the pin and toss the heavy ordinance at me. I guestured towards the large gothic crucifix which adorned the wall behind me " I have faith and Godbless" I purchased that crucifix for just these kinds of scenarios. As a Talisman goes it is very powerful. It will ward off Vampires, Jehova Witness' and all manner of evils. They glanced at my Cross nodded smiled and departed.

7 comments:

The Lazy Iguana said...

You should have dropped the blanket.

I am lucky. The last bout of people who claimed to have witnessed Jehova no habla ingles y yo no hablo espanol.

b1alpha said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
b1alpha said...

Holy crap, thats a great delivery of atheist confidence, yeilding both a dishonestly held sacred artifact, and commanding word of equal ruse. I fake with a reference check, may god have mercy.

thedeviluno said...

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Anonymous said...

Pure genius... you never let me down, you some how know exactly what to do in any situation... So are you well prepaired? or an improvisational genius?
J

DredoOooOo said...

thats almost as good as my mom meeting them at the front of the drive way nude after sunning her self on the front lawn... i was still sleeping at that point, but woke up to a commotion coming from below the bathroom window... a naked divorced mid thirties single mom... total heathen for sure

DredoOooOo said...

fucking hilarious by the way, trav and i just enjoyed a good laugh!