Hermaphrodites are bitches.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

So I was on my way to work last week, the corner store where the crew rallies prior to shift. Last stop for gas food smokes. I walked into the store to grab a fresh pack and walked to the second register at the front. The usual dudes were in the store, fifty some odd operators all on night shift. Theres three kids behind the counter wearing company emblazoned uniforms. One of the corner store employees ask me to leave my satchel at the door. This little boy with a short haircut and wait a sec thats a girl, there appears to be the faintest outline of breasts against this little boys chest. Then I realize yeah thats no boy.

I immediately regret my first reply to this draconian and clearly useless bullying. When boy-girl asked me to relinquish my property for what can only presume was fear of theft I responded "No...asshole" That is no way to treat a lady. You cant really call girls assholes, its a gender specific curse in my opinion. The appropriate derogatory slang should have been used, you take your pick. The hermaphrodite was a little surprised at my response. It seemed angry and confused. I wondered why she had even attempted to wield this imagined authority over me. Her next logical move was to ask for my removal from the store, to which I replied "I will leave the store when I have purchased my stuff"

She then elevated the situation by declaring she would call the police. She was desperate now and a little crazy she then threatened to throw me out herself. I reminded her that I would in fact leave when my business had concluded but she was welcome to lay hands on me if she was brave.

By this time I would have thought her staff would have shut down and called the police or backed her up but they didn't. It was as though she and I were alone, waging a duel of wits and power. None of the customers got involved and the staff kept ringing the potato chips through and making change for a twenty. Finally she threw her hands in the air swore a few times for good measure and ran out the front door. She had thrown her own ass out and served her right. It seemed I had called her bluff and when the emo kid behind the counter sold me my cigarettes and sausage roll for work that day I did for a fact leave the store.

5 comments:

The Lazy Iguana said...

Wow.I think you used the right insult. "Asshole" is not gender specific anymore. Everyone has one after all. It seems the insult police who publish the insult dictionary figured this out and changed the rules for the appropriate usage of that word.

How moronic. Throwing out perfectly good customers. Not a very good way to run a business. Next time I went to that store I would bring two satchels, a backpack, and just for good measure packs strapped to your legs. And wear a cheesy old low budget western burglar mask. Call yourself "the masked shopper" and buy stuff.

The Devils Scribe said...

haha I think she was totaly hot for me or something.But I go to that store everyday I work and she saw me and gave me one hell of an icy glare....again I think she is hot for teacher.

The Devils Scribe said...

Oh and I think you are right you changed my mind about assholes...everyone has them. LOL

Jamez said...

lmao, Your a true hero.

digi said...

Dammit. Great story.